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Newtown, PA 18940
Have you ever been in a situation that felt completely out of your league and wondered “how am I going to pull this off?” Change is inevitable, but your mindset can make all the difference in taking the risk to move past fear.
A mindset is a group of beliefs that you have about a particular area of your life or part of yourself.
The assumptions you make about yourself impact how you think, respond to good and bad situations, act with other people, set boundaries, and bounce back from challenges.
Think of it as a lens through which you view yourself, others, the world around you, and your life.
If you have a healthy mindset, you’ll make decisions that support you.
If you have an unhealthy mindset, you’ll make decisions that keep you stuck in hurtful situations.
We start developing mindsets about ourselves around age 3 or 4.
So, yes, contrary to what everyone thinks, kids remember. They remember a lot. Especially when the situation made them feel really strong emotions about themselves and/or other people. These memories help form their personality and sense of self.
As they go through life, they use these beliefs about themselves and others to make decisions about everything from which games to play to what to major in when they get to college.
Psychologist Carol Dweck says we can split mindset into two categories. Which category you fall into will determine how you think about intelligence, challenges, and dealing with mistakes and challenges.
A fixed mindset means that you believe that:
When someone has a fixed mindset, they’re less likely to try new things or take on challenges. They expect to fail. When they do fail, it just confirms their belief that they’re useless. As a result, they don’t go looking for experiences that will help them grow.
A growth mindset means that you believe that:
When someone has a growth mindset, they know that learning happens all of the time and in all kinds of ways. They understand that making mistakes is part of learning. They remember that they used to know less than they do now and that what they know now is a result of learning and determination. As a result, they’re willing to take more risks.
I remember the day I switched to full-time private practice. I was absolutely terrified.
There was always a good reason for why I put it off:
There were so many more reasons. Perfectly valid reasons.
The more I focused on why I could not go into full-time private practice, the more proof I saw that I was right.
I’m a big fan of playing devil’s advocate with my patients when they insist they can’t do something.
They’ll often hear me say, “well, just out of curiosity, why not?”
So, one day, during a pretty trying time in my life, I played devil’s advocate with myself.
Instead of saying “I can’t,” I asked “what if I did it? Then what?”
Whether you want to or not, you will likely one day find yourself in a situation in which you are pushed beyond your limits. You won’t know what you’re supposed to do and you’ll want someone to give you the answer.
When this situation comes along, I want you to keep saying one thing to yourself:
I can do this. Maybe not yet, but I can do this.
Why say this to yourself?
It impacts how your brain works.
Your brain looks for proof that your ideas and beliefs are right. When you think one way and see proof that doesn’t line up with those thoughts, you get very confused and upset. Your brain works really hard to avoid that.
So, it goes looking for ideas and situations that confirm you’re right. It’s a matter of like attracting like.
When you say “I don’t know what to do” or “I can’t do this,” you might as well put up a huge brick wall in your brain.
Those statements are black holes.
They take away your ability to think outside the box and make decisions that will help you get out of really bad situations.
Worst of all, your brain will go looking for proof that these statements are right. Anytime you or someone else comes up with an alternative, your brain will shoot them down.
When you say “I can do this” or “I’ll figure this out,” you open up your brain to looking at new possibilities.
Initially, you will have to remind yourself of these truths over and over again. Eventually, your brain will buy into it.
This will become how you think. At that point, really exciting changes will happen because you’ll be done putting up with whatever was limiting you.
You’re probably wondering how you’re going to do it or figure it out, especially if the situation is really bad and/or brand new (often the two go hand in hand).
You’ll get through it and come out stronger and wiser at the other end by using some combination of the following:
The alternative is to give up and stay in a place that doesn’t work anymore.
At first, that’s definitely an appealing option. It’s much easier, that’s for sure.
But think about it, when was the last time you were really proud of yourself for giving up or for not giving the situation a decent shot?
I wish I could tell you that I made the leap to full-time private practice at the most perfect time, but I can’t. Some ducks were in a row, but many others weren’t.
One day, I had to make the move because staying in place wasn’t possible anymore.
I just knew I had to put one foot in front of the other. I kept repeating “I can do a lot of this and I’ll figure the rest out as I go along.”
When you’re worried about failing, remind yourself that you weren’t born knowing everything you do now. Who you are and what you know now are a result of lots of trial and error.
When you hear kids say that they’re a failure or they’ll never succeed at something, remind them that they don’t know how to do it yet.
Yet is the most important word for our mindset. It reminds us that we’ll learn and know more later so it’s okay to try and try again now.
Don’t worry about being perfect. Make a decision and get moving.
Please contact us to set up an appointment.
We can help give you information, a map for next steps, and hope that you can have the life you want.
Wishing you the best,
Dr. Levy
Director
Dr. Ronit Levy is a clinical psychologist and director of Bucks County Anxiety Center in Newtown, PA. She specializes in treating teens and adults struggling with anxiety due to Anxiety Disorders, OCD, chronic illness, and life events. Dr. Levy trains and supervises other therapists and presents on mental health in the community.
About Us
The therapists who practice at Bucks County Anxiety Center work with teens (ages 14 and up) and adults struggling with anxiety and OCD.
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